You did it again, guys. Congratulations! You managed to desecrate one of the most time-honored and innocuous of holiday traditions in your own unique Drawn Together style. Way to go, guys!
Hey, gang! As you all know, today is Mother's Day. And while we all love and honor our own mothers, let's not forget about other people's mothers. Because the best thing about other people's moms is that you can have sex with them. (Let's not make any Oedipus jokes right now, okay?) So in honor of Mother's Day, let's all take turns naming who our all-time favorite MILF is. And she doesn't count if you've already had sex with her. Now, then. My choice would be Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate. Who would yours be?
Dear Diary:Today is the greatest day ever.Love,Spanky
All right, fine, you guys. I know that no matter what kind of sincere, reverential post I make trying to celebrate the holiest of holidays, you guys will cheapen it and turn it into something perverse and blasphemous. So rather than try to fight you on it, I'll just let you go ahead and let your sacrilegiousness run rampant. So each of you, go ahead and take one aspect of Christmas, and turn it into something depraved and horrifying. And... go!
Okay, everyone! As you all know - mainly because I'm telling you now - the baseball playoffs are now down to four teams: the Cardinals, the Brewers, the Rangers, and the Tigers. Let's all go around the room and say which of those four teams we most want to win and which of them we least want to win. I'll go first since it's my thread and I like pushing my opinions on people. The team I most want to win is the Cardinals, because they're named after a bird and birds are pretty. And the team I least want to win is the Rangers because... um... stoves can be deadly?
Hey, guys! Remember that time we decided to make a post and try to get to 100 comments? Wasn't that wild? And then after that, we got really ambitious and went for 200 comments? Well, tonight, we're going for... get ready for it... SIX COMMENTS! Come on, gang, I think we can really do it!
I was looking back at our hilarious conversation we had the other day about getting humped by Canadians and I realized something. Foxxy and I were about to have hot, wild sex and Toot interrupted us! How dare she! I could understand if she interrupted us because she wanted to have sex with me instead, which I understand because I'm all the time being interrupted during sex by other chicks who want me to ditch the lady I'm with and bang her instead, but Toot never said anything to me about wanting to have sex with me (her loss), so I guess that wasn't what she was after. Which leads me to the inescapable conclusion that Toot interrupted Foxxy and my sex for no good reason! How dare you, Toot! As soon as my haranguing of this black and white ho is over, Foxxy, what do you say you and me get back to that wild sex we were about to have? Huh?
Hey, everyone! Fact of the day: Did you know that the national Canadian police are called Mounties? It's true! Isn't that hilarious?
Hey, everybody! Did you hear this?http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110304/ap_on_re_us/us_food_and_farm_pork_campaignPork board swaps 'White Meat' for 'Be Inspired'DES MOINES, Iowa – "The Other White Meat" has another slogan.The National Pork Board on Friday replaced the decades-old ad campaign with a new message: "Pork: Be Inspired."Board officials said after nearly 25 years, it was time to move on from the old message that compared pork to chicken and instead try to increase sales by focusing on the estimated 82 million Americans who already eat pork.Well, you heard them... time for you guys to be inspired! To eat more pork. *grins*
Happy VD, everyone!
Hey, did y'all see on TV? Looks like Times Square is a man, everyone- it just dropped its ball! We should do something to mark this special occasion.
Okay, guys. Does anybody object to this one?
Spanky, I'd like a word with you about the Christmas cards you gave all of us. They're... not exactly in the best of taste.Explain? Please?
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.Your Name: WooldoorFamous Music artist/group: Who3 letter word: weeColor: whiteGift/present: WiiVehicle: weiner (Cause you can ride them.)TV Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway? (They never did figure that out, did they?Country: Winston- it's flavor country!Boy's Name: WillieGirl's Name: WillaAlcoholic drink: WineOccupation: Wang surgeonFlower: WisteriaCelebrity: Wooldoor Sockbat. I'm a celebrity! I was caught in the tabloids making out with Elle MacPherson. She totally started it.Food: weinersSomething found in a kitchen: weinersReason for Being Late: Was held up by saying "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" for a very long time.Something You Shout: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
This is an issue that's been very much on my mind lately, and I wasn't quite sure where to turn. I tried to ask Dr. Phil, but every time I called, he would say "Wait until it's the topic of my show, bitch!" So I finally found the answers from the source of all wisdom: the internet! I found a little internet quiz that answered my question.Are you ready to lose your virginity?
Hello everyone! It's time for another installment of that segment you all love so much. It's... What Can't Spanky Masturbate To? You know how it works. You give me a topic- any topic- and I'll figure out a way to use it as spank material. Ready? Go!
Dear America:You suck.Sincerely, Spanky Ham
Hey, guys! Just want you to know I made it to Cape Cod safe and sound. I'm all charged up and ready to participate in tomorrow morning's annual running of the crabs! Thankfully there were no incidents like last time.
This is neat! When did you guys make this?
So, guys... did anybody happen to see that thing on the news last night?
Quiz time, everyone! Today's trivia question is... name a popular TV reality show that draws a lot of hatred because it's trashy, vulgar, entirely populated with stereotypes, and features Snookie. Anybody know?
Okay... you guys... I know we've been sort of avoiding it because it brings up a lot of unpleasant subjects, but the movie has been out for a couple of weeks now, and we're going to have to start talking about it sometime, so we might as well start now. So... who wants to go first?
Here's a fun one I found on some site.Insult the person above you in this thread.And... go!
All right, you guys, I know I promised I'd wait until after the Olympics are over to do this, but I can't wait any longer. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Saints win Super Bowl! Saints win Super Bowl! A victory for God in what you civilians call "The Big Game". Oh yes! Eat that, you heathens!
1. Elaborate on your default icon. It's me crapping in a cantaloupe, what's to elaborate on? Well... fine. This was after we first moved into the house. I asked the producers to get the good kind of cantaloupe and they got the crappy kind. This was my clever way of informing them that they got the crappy kind. I'll pause while that one sinks in.2. What's your current relationship status?Depends on the episode. This one episode I was married, but then another time I was dating Clara and then another time I was dating this chick who had a thing for piss orgies. As for my current relationship status, since tonight is Dutch oven night at the house, I am definitely married tonight. Can't miss Dutch oven night. No way.3. Ever have a near-death experience? Yeah, the time the wife made me watch Bridges of Madison County with her.4. Name an obvious quality you have. My incredible modesty.5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? That song about how you should never trust a ho. She told me no bills over fifty dollars, implying fifties are okay, and then she won't take my fifty! Don't trust a ho, indeed.6. Name a celebrity you would marry. Valerie Bertinelli. Hey, she's been in like, every Lifetime movie. She's gotta be damn good at crying.7. This one was missing so um.... What's your favourite colour? What's a colour? Is that like a color? Or do you mean collar? It would be the one on my hostage negotiation shirt, thank you very much.8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity? Yes. You didn't ask me which celebrity, so I'm not going to say.9. Do you wear a watch? What kind? Yes. The kind that tells time.10. Do you have anything pierced? Do I look like Xandir to you?11. Do you have any tattoos? I have a thin horizontal line tattooed on my upper forehead.12. Do you like pain? I enjoy the momentary strain when you're depositing a gigantic crap. It hurts, but the poo that results is oh so worth it.13. Where do you like to shop? The store.14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? A whore.15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card? A whore.16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? A whore.17. What is on your desktop background? A whore.18. What is the background on your cell phone? A whore.19. Do you like redheads? Yes. I am also partial to those with pink heads.20. Do you know any twins? I know Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau. They're nice guys.21. Do you have any weird relatives? No. Absolutely everyone in my family is totally normal. My six-nippled Dutch oven-loving identical twin wife and midget-me son agree with me on this.22. What was the last movie you watched? The Hangover.23. If you had $100 to spare, who would you give it to? A whore.24. What was your favorite book as a child? Where the Wild Things Are.
Hey, everyone. I finished putting up our Christmas lights! And I even took a picture! Here you go!
Hey, does anybody want to go to the science museum with me this afternoon? I personally guarantee that you'll all see many eye-poping sights!
Friends, housemates, everyone... I have some sad news to pass along. One of our beloved secondary characters has passed on. Let's all have a moment of silence for our dear friend, Judge Fudge. Passed away on September 30, 2009, death due to being left sitting in the car on a hot day. He leaves behind a wife, a couple of kids, and a brown spot on the dashboard. He will be missed.